I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine this morning, the topic, my latest failed relationship. She has been with her man for about 10 years and is adamant that I will be single for the rest of my life if I do not accept the simple complexities of love and relationships. Her theory is as a woman there are certain aspects of dating and love that we need to submit to. See, she is of the old school notion that mosadi o tshwara thipa ka bogaleng, loosely translated means a woman holds the knife b y the blade. Meaning, in a relationship, a women should hold on, despite all pains and basically Just Be Strong.....mmmmmmmmmh, I'm not sure I can be that woman despite the hope of having my own family, a husband and the kids and the dogs with the white fence etc etc....
So I pose the question, as women and men, are we suppose to settle for any partner so that we wont be lonely for the rest of my lives? Are we supposed to get into substandard relationships and work on "changing"and "training" our chosen partners til death do us part? I believe that you can't change someone. Should your partner be an ass when you meet him and 5 years down the line he's a perfect gentleman then he decided to change himself for you, you influenced the situation but ultimately, he did it...some people still remain asses 10 years later, despite your best efforts, just coz that's who they choose to be. Acknowledging that yes, no one is perfect, should we be quick to drop a relationship that's just not working or hold onto for hope that a better day will come and that with heavy work it can turn it into something we can happily be a part of.
On the flip side, if we are intolerant to certain traits and tendencies found in individuals we might end up being bachelors and spinsters til old age or divorcees. I mean unless we are lucky enough to find "the One" and live happily ever after, we have to kiss a couple of frogs and maybe one of them is a prince.
What requirements should a potential life partner have before you decide that he/she is the one you'll say I do to? What traits are you tolerating to be with the one you are with? What tendancies are you willing to overlook coz you love him/her? How do we find the balance?
Are we settling for the sake of settling down?
